Monday, July 09, 2007

CEO Comedy Hour

"There are four equal managing members. I am the most equal of the four."

"The names of the funds are pretty long and strange, but they do make sense. It's not just like 'Chewbacca 5' or something. There's logic to it."

"I couldn't manage to make those corners rounded. [Sigh.] For those who haven't had the pleasure of using PowerPoint...it really sucks. Really. [Pause.] It's an evil, evil program. [Pause.]"

"I just visited the Ben and Jerry's factory. It's sad that those dudes sold out. [Pause.]"

"Always be a little cranky."

Information Battlespace VI: A Sign for a Store

"Electronic Concepts: The Digital Experience."

I think it sold cameras, maybe some porno. No concepts that I could see, but then again I was across the street.

Only in New York!

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Semi-Demi-Hemi-Adulthood: Day 1.5

I forgot to bring underwear.

Also, there's no toothpaste here, although I don't blame myself for that one. I just went to Duane Reade to buy the cheapest brand possible, which turns out to be Aim "Multi-Benefit" (cleans, freshens, protects (those are the benefits)); as soon as I got back into the apartment, I nervously googled around to make sure there was no Chinese antifreeze lurking in my cut-rate tube.

I secretly hope there is.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Pep Talk on the Eve of Employment

xxB9erxx: i gotta sleep. but i gotta tell u, even though u dont really need me to say this. work is absolutely the worst thing in the world. its so bad. so fucking bad. you are going to be so miserable you dont even know

A Controversy

Arthur Schopenhauer, The World as Will and Representation, trans. E.F.J. Payne (New York: Dover Publications, 1969), 1:272:

[W]e shall not speak...of a "law for for freedom"...Generally we shall not speak of "ought" at all, for we speak in this way to children and to peoples still in their infancy, but not to those who have appropriated to themselves all the culture of a mature age. It is indeed a palpable contradiction to call the will free and yet to prescribe for it laws by which it is to will.

On the other hand:

cover of The Oxford Handbook of Free Will

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Four Things: Two about Rap, and Two about the Past vs. the Present

  1. In the midst of an okay piece on T.I. (profoundly weakened by its super-lame attempt to analyze a stupid verse from "What You Know" using the vocabulary of old-fashioned poetry), Kelefa Sanneh makes a good point succinctly:

    All this split-personality stuff is patently absurd..., though evidently it’s a common enough response to the impossible demands of hip-hop, which more or less requires its stars — even, or especially, the veterans — to say ridiculous things, and mean them.

  2. An example of a problem with certain rap lines: in "Gangsta Grillz" (on In My Mind (The Prequel)), Pharrell says, describing the exterior of (I think) the Magic City strip club in Atlanta, "So many Phantoms the parking lot look like a graveyard." Now, the Phantom is a luxury car. Its name means "ghost." Ghosts hang around in graveyards (I guess). But a parking lot full of cars whose name means "ghost" does not look any more like a graveyard than a regular parking lot does (okay maybe a little bit but not much!). "So many friends of mine whom I refer to as 'dog' the club looked like a veterinarian's office." "So many Beatles the studio looked like Keyhole's bed because Keyhole's bed has a lot of bugs (beetles) on it."

    But how am I going to explain all of this to Pharrell? It's not that I think he's too dumb too understand; I just don't think he's a very good listener.

  3. The Iraqi boy band Unknown to No One (you have, by definition, heard of it), apparently still exists, but now it's based in the UK. I think I first read about these guys in a Sunday Telegraph article (linked to somewhere or other), which I just now re-dug up on LexisNexis. March 9, 2003 -- war just 11 days away. And even in this puff piece, we find a warning: "Given the fears that an American-led invasion could ignite a bloody civil war in Iraq, Unknown To No One is an impressively harmonious ethnic mix. Art Haroutunian and Shant Zawar are Armenian Christians; Nadeem Hamid and Hassan Ali, a 21-year-old biology student, are Arab Muslims, while Diyar Diler, also 21 and an English student, is a Kurd. When they are not rehearsing, the singers -- who all speak good English -- meet in Baghdad's popular coffee shops and video game arcades. They are opposed to war, but prefer not to discuss politics." Wise.

  4. A year ago (I really need to clear out my "blog ideas" file one of these days), Defamer dropped a post with the title "Paris Hilton Plunges World into Black Hole of Meaninglessness," linking to a Sun interview in which Paris said:

    Simple Life is a reality show and people might assume it’s real. But it’s fake.

    “All reality shows are fake basically. When you have a camera on you, you are not going to act yourself.

    “So before I started the show I thought I’d make a character like the movies Legally Blonde and Clueless mixed together, with a rich girl all-in-one.

    “Even my voice is different and the way I dress is different from me in real life. It’s a character I like to play. I think it’s carefree and happy. The public think they know me but they really don’t.”

    So when Paris told Barbara Walters, "I used to act dumb. That act is no longer cute," everyone shouldn't have scoffed. There's a paper trail. I really do think that it was more or less (more? less? that's the issue) an act all along.

Less than Meets the Eye (Oh Snap)

I just saw Transformers.

I think it gave me brain damage.

It is not very surprising, of course, that it failed to rise to the level of high art. But it didn't have to be moronic. It didn't have to be Autobot Comedy Hour. It didn't have to contain the following (approximate) dialogue, spoken in reference to the evil ringtone that the Decepticons somehow use to hack the U.S. military's computer systems:

Blonde Hacker Chick: This goes way beyond Fourier transforms. It's like quantum mechanics.

Skeptical, Uptight Military Guy: Nothing's that advanced. [Except for, well, quantum mechanics. Which describes all that is. --KH.]

Blonde Hacker Chick: This is. It's some kind of...DNA-based computer! I know that sound crazy, but...[Wow, that's so crazy it might work! And, in fact, it has worked since at least 1994, as you too can discover by looking up "DNA computing" on Wikipedia. Also, throughout the movie we are told that the Transformers are "non-biological" -- so they don't have DNA. --KH.]

No, I don't expect perfect scientific accuracy from a Michael Bay movie about alien robots that are also GM cars. But given that everyone in the audience knows that the characters are just talking bullshit, why do these people even bother? And if they feel like they have to insert pseudoscience claptrap in order to give the plot some verisimilitude, why do such a staggeringly half-assed job? Would it kill them to try Google?

At one point, we see the crafty, vicious little boombox robot downloading s33kr1t files from the Pentagon. I may have blinked at the wrong time, but as far as I could tell, most of these files consisted of old New York Times articles.

That's right: the Decepticons are so corrupt that they won't even spring for TimesSelect.

Other points:

  • Fighter jets and airborne Decepticons do battle in the skies of New York (or somewhere -- it's never really explained; Wikipedia's plot summary calls it simply "a nearby city"), but the moviemakers scrupulously -- scrupulously -- avoid depicting any hot plane-on-skyscraper action. They hint, they tease, but they keep us wanting more. I guess we'll have to wait for "Cloverfield" ("it has been widely regarded as a secret movie") or, barring that, my cinematic magnum opus. (Ask me if you don't know.)

  • There's a stupid Guantánamo scene, just as there was in Fantastic Four (the Silver Surfer under the knife). I smell trend piece!

  • Popcorn isn't good, and I should stop eating it.

  • Manohla Dargis panned the movie, and rightfully so. But her zany sentence-three punchline -- "The result is part car commercial, part military recruitment ad, a bumper-to-bumper pileup of big cars, big guns and, as befits its recently weaned target demographic, big breasts" -- is absurdly off the mark. Big breasts? Where, exactly? To be sure, the way the camera treats the female lead, Megan Fox, is embarrassing and exploitative, and, a few times, acutely so. Her "tops" do perhaps fall unrealistically low. But no one in the world would leave Transformers thinking about all the boobies they saw. I mean, even in this FHM shot (awk), it's clear that the photo pervs tried pretty hard to spiff up Fox's cleavage. She's a skinny girl. (And not necessarily a bright one: "Anytime I have a feeling about anything, I get tattooed. I have a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian [Austin Green!!]'s name tattooed next to my pie." Vomit vomit vomit. Note: those three things (a poem she wrote, strength, the loser-y guy on 90210 who put crystal meth in his orange juice so he could study better for the SAT) are the three things Megan Fox has had feelings about. They are probably her interests on Facebook.)

    Anyway: so basically Manohla Dargis thought she was on a riff-roll with her "big" thing, and she figured she would just lie her way through the final term in the series, running on feminist fumes. She takes another crack at the "Transformers hates women" idea later on, writing:

    The actors tend to be more engaging, notably Mr. LaBeouf, who brings energy and a semi-straight face to the dumbest setup. Just as easy on the eyes, though for other reasons, are the two female leads, the genius hacker in throw-her-down heels (Rachael Taylor) and the grease-monkey bombshell (Megan Fox) who helps Sam rise to the manly occasion. These walking, talking dolls register as less human and believable than the Transformers, which may be why they were even allowed inside this boy’s club.

    More nonsense. "Throw-her-down heels"? It took me just about forever to figure out what she was getting at there (possibly a copy-editing glitch), and even now I have no clue what part of the movie she's thinking of. The hacker wore heels? If that's even true, it was never emphasized. I'm not sure we ever even learned her name. Walking, talking dolls? Sure, but are they any more so than Tyrese or Josh Duhamel? Those smoldering military hunks aren't exactly fully realized characters either. I'm more than willing to entertain the thesis that Michael Bay is a sexist doofus, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a clear signal here against the noisy backdrop of generalized idiocy.

    When a movie tries so hard to paint a target on its own back, it's strange to see Dargis aiming so poorly.

  • Anthony Lane also stumbles:

    The opening scene of Michael Bay’s “Transformers” takes place in deep space. Out of the darkness comes a voice that is deeper still. It makes Barry White sound like a countertenor, and this is what it says: “Before time began, there was the Cube.” Hello? Mr. Rubik?

    Again, a lousy, lazy riff. The Cube is stupid, yes. But only because of how the movie handles it later on. Why is this an intrinsically laughable idea? Because of the Rubik's cube? How is that a joke?

    And then, after describing the original line of Transformers toys, Lane writes (emphasis added):

    Now these delightful objets d’art have a movie to themselves. We should not be surprised. Long ago, when the impact of “Star Wars” was beefed up by a line of merchandise, some of us noticed that the five-inch Lukes and Leias possessed a depth and mobility that was denied to their onscreen counterparts, and, decades later, we have reached the reductio ad absurdum of that rivalry: rather than spin the toys off from the movie, why not build the movie from the toys? “Transformers” is not the first effort in this direction; I distinctly remember finding a couchful of children enraptured by a DVD of “Barbie of Swan Lake” and realizing that Ingmar Bergman’s “Persona” had not, after all, signalled the final disintegration of human personality.

    Sloppy, dumb. No, we should not be surprised. Not only is Transformers "not the first effort in [the] direction" of basing a movie on a toy line, it is not even the first Transformers movie. That came out in 1986 in America and 1989 in Japan ("although early promotional materials titled Transformers the Movie: Apocalypse! Matrix Forever [!] had promised a Summer 1987 Japanese release"). It featured Orson Welles's final movie role! Mr. Lane apparently didn't consult Wikipedia. Who cares, right? I do. You don't get to make your little point about how our culture is so degraded that now we're basing movies on toys ("when it comes to movie characterization, flesh and blood have had their chance. From here on, it’s up to metal and plastic") when the same exact degradation happened, in a directly analogous case, 21 years ago.

    Lane also remarks -- so droll! -- that

    The quarrel between the two sides [the Autobots and the Decepticons] began on their home planet. For the purposes of the movie, however, they duke it out on ours.

    The implicit joke: there's not really a good reason for the 'bots to be fighting here. But just go along with it! The movie is dumb! Yes, the movie is dumb. But this is one of the few points that it actually explains. They're duking it out here because they're all looking for the (hilarious!) Cube, which crash-landed on Earth purely by chance. "For the purposes of the movie"? Yes, but in precisely the same sense that Rosebud turns out to be Orson "Unicron" Welles's sled for the purposes of Citizen Kane. (I love the critical edge of the second paragraph in that Wikipedia entry: "Note that although Unicron would seem to be above factions like Autobot or Decepticon, his toys in the Cybertron and Titanium line were released with the Decepticons.")

    When the critics play just as fast-and-loose with the details as the big-budget auteurs do, who am I supposed to side with? Lil Wayne, Tha Carter II, "Best Rapper Alive": "Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em good, fuck 'em long, fuck 'em hard. Fuck who? Fuck 'em all." Not in a good way.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

They Really Know How to Push My Buttons

From: Hot news <hryrpvkob@punkass.com>
Date: Jul 1, 2007 1:28 PM
Subject: New act of terrorism in the ...

Hot news! New act of terrorism in the USA. Thousand victims.

"Hot news!"

An Image to Savor; or, a Watched Pot

The great Cosma Shalizi, summarizing the Bayesian view of statistical mechanics:

Here's an (unfair) way of putting it: water boils because I become sufficiently ignorant of its molecular state.

The Only Technical Question

The end of an old entry by Mark Kleiman from a blog I don't read:

By the way, am I the only one to have noticed that, insofar as the "Nuclear Winter" folks were right, we have the solution to global warming right at hand? The only technical question is how many cities we'd have to nuke to generate the degree of cooling necessary to offset any given degree of warming. Which cities to nuke is, of course, a political, rather than a technical, question.

A Common Problem among Those Who Post on Comics-Oriented Message Boards

In a comment on Newsarama responding to a positive review of the upcoming Transformers film, the user "bigdaddyhub" wrote, no doubt breathlessly, "Now all I need is another fat kid to chest bump when I see this movie!!!"

Not Really Worth Blogging

Martin Baxter and Andrew Rennie, Financial Calculus (Cambridge, U.K.: Cambridge University Press, 2000), p. 65: "We could suppress those paths which had path probability zero, but now we have lost something. Those paths may have been P-impossible but they are Q-possible. If we throw them away, then we have lost information about Q just where it is relevant -- paths which are Q-possible."

But are they Kim possible?!

:'(

UPDATE: I should mention that I killed a ladybug with this book. As an instrument of death, it is slender and elegant, the .22-caliber pistol of quantitative-finance literary insecticides.

TMI

My bedroom is across from a bathroom. I am on my bed (a popular watering-hole for the local arthropod population), reading about stochastic calculus and not understanding a dWt of it (jokes for nerds, jokes for nerds), when my mother appears in the doorway, apparently on the way to the loo. Apropos of nothing, she says,

"I don't like Bon Jovi anymore."

I look up, but by then she's gone.

There Was a Law and Order Episode Like This, but the Culprits Were Evil, Not Crazy

Via BoingBoing, via Mind Hacks, a six-year-old article from the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine:

A young man was admitted from prison to a psychiatric facility after reports that he had been acting in a bizarre manner. He had been arrested for stealing motor vehicles and assaults with weapons. At interview he was found to be experiencing the delusion that he was a player inside a computer game (adult-certificate game, widely available) in which points are scored for stealing cars, killing assailants and avoiding police vehicles. Psychotic symptoms had emerged slowly over two years. His family had noticed him becoming increasingly withdrawn and isolated from social activities. He developed delusions that strangers were planning to kill him and also experienced auditory hallucinations, constantly hearing an abusive and derogatory voice. Previously a computer enthusiast, he began to play computer games incessantly. He felt that the games were communicating with him via the headphones. In a complex delusional system he came to believe he was inside one of these games and had to steal a car to start scoring points. He broke into a car and drove off at speed, believing he had `invulnerable' fuel and so could not run out of petrol. To gain points he chose to steal increasingly powerful vehicles, threatening and assaulting the owners with weapons. Later he said he would have had no regrets if he had killed someone, since this would have increased his score.

Of course, as I told my personal rabbi, it's possible that we're all having this delusion all the time, except that the virtual world we're confusing for reality is just Second Life, so nothing bad really happens.

Information Battlespace V: The China Question

In the most recent version of the Defense Department's annual report to Congress on "The Military Power of the People's Republic of China" (PDF), after a few paragraphs on anti-satellite weapons that quote Colonel Yuan Zelu as explaining that "[The] goal of a space shock and awe strike is [to] deter the enemy, not to provoke the enemy into combat," we find a section under the heading "Information Warfare." Apparently "a November 2006 Liberation Army Daily commentator" wrote about the importance of getting "the upper hand of the enemy in a war under conditions of informatization"; this objective requires "making full use of the permeability, sharable property [Napster?!], and connection of information to realize the organic merging of materials, energy, and information to form a combined fighting strength." The term "information blockade" gets tossed about. This is no small beer: the People's Liberation Army sees "computer network operations...as critical to achieving 'electromagnetic dominance' early in a conflict."

Magneto

Perhaps we shouldn't worry about China's quest for electromagnetic dominance. After all, America still pwnz0rz the internet, right? Maybe, but this (coincidental?) juxtaposition gives some cause for concern:

It's no wonder that China is free to seek "cyber edge" when NO ONE HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT BLOGGING REALLY IS.

Take some time today, people. Your country needs you.

Friday, June 29, 2007

No No No

A spider was just crawling across my bed. It tried to hide in my computer, probably seeking superpowers. I kept that from happening, but I think the thing is still alive.

APPARENTLY BUGS ARE ON MY BED CONSTANTLY.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Information Battlespace IV: Department of This Thing Looks Like That Thing

Uh oh. Behold the Internet (or, more precisely, "the hierarchical structure of the Internet, based on the connections between individual nodes (such as service providers)"):

network picture of the Internet, looking like a big HAL eye

Cf. Hal (or, more precisely, "Heuristically Programmed Algorithmic Computer") 9000:

picture of Hal 9000's camera eye

Scared yet? You should be. "At the center of the Internet are about 80 core nodes through which most traffic flows. Remove the core, and 70 percent of the other nodes are still able to function through peer-to-peer connections."

See also terrorism, the brain, and biology in general. Remember that New Yorker article about how hemispherectomies aren't a big deal? Apparently nothing can be damaged ever.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Barely Legal; or, Not a Good Rule for the Club

If a bond does not specifically state that it is junior, you can assume that it is senior.

—Franklin Allen, Stewart C. Myers, and Richard A. Brealey, Principles of Corporate Finance, 8th ed. (New York: McGraw Hill, 2006), 674, n. 16.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Information Battlespace III: Cheney vs. the Archives

Or, more precisely, Cheney vs. the Information Security Oversight Office ("Learn why Democracy Starts Here"), a 25-person subunit of the National Archives that handles the handling of classified documents. Cheney and his legal puppet-master, David Addington, don't think they have to submit to ISOO checkups because the executive order delineating the jurisdiction of the sad little mini-bureau applies only to executive-branch entities -- but ha!, they craftily contend, the veep's office is both executive and legislative (presidency of the senate, dig?). Cute, really.

But don't believe for a second that this dispute is playing out in the information quibble- or skirmishspace. Oh no: it's battlespace for sure. After "block[ing] [in 2004] an on-site inspection by [ISOO] that was routinely carried out across the government to check whether documents were being properly labeled and safely stored," Cheney & co. tried to get rid of the process of appealing interagency tussles to the attorney general (a process ISOO was attempting to use to break down the vice-president's informational battledoor) and tried to get rid of Information Security Oversight altogether. Didn't work out, though.

A lot of the time I think they engage in these shenanigans less to conceal anything in particular and more just for the hell of it. It doesn't seem like they had a lot to lose by submitting to the Archives; they just didn't feel like it. They weren't about to fall for the spell of false necessity; there was no non-human reality compelling them to do anything.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Maybe She Just Took the Word "Sitcom" Too Seriously?

Paul Tough's article "The Class-Consciousness Raiser" from last week's Times Magazine is a mildly interesting profile of a woman (kinda funnily) named Ruby Payne who teaches teachers how to get along with lower-class students. Their culture is different, dig? Apparently, "Foucauldian" types (this word is actually deployed) hate her. Quack quack. Now, I think her basic idea is perfectly meritorious, but the article does raise some doubts. First, she believes, as so many people now bewilderingly seem to do, in the Force:

Then in 1993, after moving to Texas, Payne read a book that had a profound effect on her: ''Creating Money,'' a New Age-infused guide to ''the spiritual laws of money.'' It's an odd book, ostensibly dictated to the authors by two ''spirit guides'' named Orin and DaBen. But Payne was inspired. ''The book said, Make a list of what you want in your life and ask the universe to bring it to you,'' she told me. ''So I did. I wrote: 'I want a life without financial constraints. I want a life without institutional constraints. And I want to make a difference with children.' And it happened!''

Payne's ideas about class differences in perceptions of "everything from time to love to money to language" also sound a bit wonky:

In a few words, Payne explains how each class sees each concept. Humor in poverty? About people and sex. In the middle class? About situations. In wealth? About social faux pas.

Maybe this is just my middle-class sensibility talking, but don't the "situations" that I admittedly find so hilarious subsume people, sex, and even -- I hope I'm not trespassing on anyone's castle here -- social faux pas?

And, despite the fact that my mind is too scattered now to really put this point convincingly, I think there's something very telling and tragic about the conjunction of, on the one hand, Payne's noble New Age (but also modernist) wish to live "a life without institutional constraints" and, on the other hand, her preaching of the importance of lower-class adoption of upper- and middle-class personal stylings (what she calls "the hidden rules"). She's too smart and too awake to the transcendent qualities of the human spirit (yes I went there) to think that situations are really more funny than people or sex, or that poor culture is really inferior to rich culture; but the facts of institutional constraint dictate, albeit unjustly and arbitrarily, that submission is the price to be paid for membership in the elite, with all the benefits that brings. I'm sure she's right about the situation (giggle -- sorry, can't help it, was raised that way) as it stands -- you can't get a job without possessing pointless, irrelevant social grace X or Z -- but what sticks in my craw about this kind of analysis (which, if I remember correctly, David Foster Wallace uses at some point to justify foisting his version of grammatical purism onto recalcitrant black college students) is how quickly the injustice and arbitrariness fall out of the picture. It's like: shrug. Wink!

Same thing: Mrs. Keyhole received a comment on her thesis, from a respected professor of English, saying something to the effect of "I see that you don't obey the no-split-infitive rule. While some people do reject its authority, some don't, so you may be distracting your readers." This really got me (though not Mrs. Keyhole, bless her heart) angry: here this professor was, signalling her awareness of the idiocy and baselessness of the "rule" only to reassert its power! And what -- for the sake of the fogies and their all-too-rockable boat? Doesn't this line of argument suggest that we should never change anything, since someone somewhere might not be ready for the shock? Isn't this exactly the kind of limp gradualist whining that Martin Luther King, Jr., attacked in "Letter from Birmingham Jail" ("the appalling silence of the good people" who think that time on its own will wash away everything bad)?

Payne, in her oscillation between the vain hope for a life without institutional constraints and the total resignation to those constraints (regarded as lacking justification yet weirdly, robustly resisting change), is a miniature portrait of life without Unger. Look, people: we can never be totally free of institutional constraints, but we can be more free than we are now. Can't we?

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Actually, Marx Is Jealous

Stretched out and face down on my bed with my laptop before me, perusing a capsule description of the Santa Fe Institute's "zero-intelligence method" of analyzing financial markets (sounds kinda like pointless topology), I saw in the periphery of my perceptual world a nasty little spider. Without thinking much, I picked up a collection of Marx's later political writings and bashed the critter to death (I hope). I was reminded of a couplet from the Coup song "Not Yet Free," from the album Kill My Landlord: "Capitalism is like a spider / The web is getting tighter..."

This arthopod encounter came hot on the heels of another incident, in which I slew a moth that had settled upside-down on my ceiling with the mighty heft of the (two-volume, slipcase-enclosed) Norton Anthology of Modern and Contemporary Poetry. Interpretation is left as an exercise for the reader.

There should be a whole archive of such literary collisions. Consider: as Francis Wheen's delightful Karl Marx: A Life informs us (on p. 109), though "[Pierre-Joseph] Proudhon [the socialist/anarchist] made no public riposte to [Marx's] The Poverty of Philosophy [which was in part a polemical attack on Proudhon]...his own copy has furious marginal scribbles on almost every page -- 'Absurd', 'A lie', 'Prattle', 'Plagiarism', 'Brazen slander' and 'Actually, Marx is jealous'. An entry in one of his notebooks describes Marx as 'the tapeworm of socialism'." If we know that Proudhon called Marx a plagiarist and a tapeworm in his private writings, why can't we figure out what tomes the Frenchman used to kill real worms? Or other creeping things. I'm not picky. I'm sure the CSI creative team could crank out at least an episode or two riffing on this premise. "The copy of The Holy Family, or, Critique of Critical Criticism left at the crime scene doesn't have any fingerprints on it, but I did find this strange brown spot. It's probably nothing, but..." "Enhance! Enhance!" "Whoa! Looks like DNA from a false stag beetle, chief. But those are found only in California!" And the hunt is (would be) on.

(The worst thing about all this is that I now have to live the rest of my life with the absolute certainty that bugs do sometimes end up on my bed. I've long suffered from the (not uncommon, I don't think) fear that, when I sleep, bugs crawl all over my face; I've managed to carry on largely on the basis of the irrational but never (until now) disproven belief that my fear was totally unfounded.)

(In the past few minutes alone, I've been greatly startled by things that turned out to be 1) my comforter (ironically) and 2) my headphones. Help.)

Christopher Hitchens Never Doesn't Talk about Blowjobs

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Probably the Cause of a Lot of Embarrassing Typos

Wikipedia:

Herpetology...is the branch of zoology concerned with the study of reptiles and amphibians.

Foucault:

We might imagine a sort of systematic description -- I do not say a science because the term is too galvanized now -- that would, in a given society, take as its object the study, analysis, description, and 'reading' (as some like to say nowadays) of these different spaces, of these other places. As a sort of simultaneously mythic and real contestation of the space in which we live, this description could be called heterotopology.

Say what you will about Foucault's "systematic description" of "different spaces," but at least it's not pointless:

In mathematics, pointless topology (also called point-free or pointfree topology) is an approach to topology which avoids the mentioning of points.

Cf. the tetragrammaton and the via negativa. Who knew math was so religious?

Sunday, June 17, 2007

A Technique

It's not always easy being a white rap fan who wants -- yes -- to sing along. There is the issue of "the N word." Self-censorship can seem prissy and ostentatious -- look at me not being offensive -- but the obvious alternative is scarcely any better -- look at me defying the dictates of political correctness!

The solution? Whenever you encounter "the N word," substitute "blogger." Con: the rhyme scheme will often suffer. Pro: it will never not be hilarious. You can probably make a lot of friends!

Things That Are Better than Other Things

  1. "Seven" > CAPM, says Tyler Cowen:

    For risky equity assets in the United States, my preferred economic model is simple. Expected return equals seven. That is my model, "Seven."

    Plus of course an random or error term. How's that for Occam's Razor?

  2. Robotic cats > plush cats, say researchers:

    "We used the plush cat and a robotic cat and found that a robotic cat was more self-engaging and triggered positive emotions and interest more than the plush cat," Alexander Libin told ABC News. ... Renata Bushko, chair of the Future of Technology Institute where the researchers presented their work, said that the concept could be extended. "Robocats will be very useful in disease management..."

  3. "[T]he more homely, but more intelligible, maxims of distributive justice among the Saxons" > "the narrow rules and fanciful niceties of metaphysical and Norman jurisprudence," says William Blackstone (not exactly topical but (to quote Lil Wayne) "I just thought that I should mention it").

  4. Putin > all Russian leaders in recent memory, says Perry Anderson (kinda):

    Part of his chilly magnetism is cultural. He is widely admired for his command of the language. Here, too, contrast is everything. Lenin was the last ruler of the country who could speak an educated Russian. Stalin’s Georgian accent was so thick he rarely risked speaking in public. Khrushchev’s vocabulary was crude and his grammar barbaric. Brezhnev could scarcely put two sentences together. Gorbachev spoke with a provincial southern accent. The less said of Yeltsin’s slurred diction the better. To hear a leader of the country capable once again of expressing himself with clarity, accuracy and fluency, in a more or less correct idiom, comes as music to many Russians.

  5. Minds > governments, says Lil Wayne:

    Lil Wayne has been attending the University of Houston in Houston, Texas since early 2005, where he began studying political science. According to the Cash Money Records website, Wayne has since switched his major to psychology.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Force

Oliver Sacks, writing about an artist who lost the ability to see in color after a car accident, says that

At first he was intensely, furiously conscious of what he had lost ... He would glare at an orange in a state of rage, trying to force it to resume its true color.

Scientology turns this kind of wishful thinking into a religious experience. Some of the Church's low-level Training Routines, or TRs, involve the use of "Tone 40 Intention (intention without reservation or limit)," which is both a state of the will and a mode of speaking. The guidelines for "TR 8: Tone 40 on Objects" are as follows:

Trying to make the ashtray STAND UP. Student gives Tone 40 command "STAND UP!". Tone 40 acknowledges with "THANK YOU!". "SIT DOWN!". "THANK YOU!."

Repeat until cognition (about an hour).

As a disillusioned ex-Scientologist put it,

By this point, I was so deluded by the concept of Tone 40 that the fact that I was LIFTING IT WITH MY HANDS was irrelevant. I gave the command, the ashtray stood up. After doing this for half an hour, I felt like God, lifting the ashtray by sheer intention. My Thetan's (Scieno-babble for "spirit") Intention was using my arms and hands, though that was only for convenience, since with sufficient intent they were not necessary.

This is probably what happens when you start to worry about Free Will too much. Even rappers fall into this trap:

  • Jay-Z: "...he who does not feel me / Is not real to me. Therefore, he doesn't exist. / So poof: vamoose, son of a bitch" ("Izzo (H.O.V.A.)," The Blueprint (2001)).
  • Tony Yayo, in an interview somewhere: "I don't believe in Cam'ron. I don't believe in Jim Jones. I don't believe in Baby. I don't believe in Lil Wayne. I don't believe in Game. I don't believe in Fat Joe."

On the other hand, the loss of free will is pretty rough too. It only just occurred to me that Jack Kirby's Fourth World stories are pretty clearly one big allegory for the Cold War: Apokolips is the evil empire, clanging with machinery, filthy with smoke, sadists and spies around every corner, Darkseid the dictator presiding over it all. And do remember what Darkseid is always looking for: the Anti-Life Equation, which has long been one of my favorite comic-book concepts (alongside the Ultimate Nullifier, if only for the sake of the name). As Wikipedia explains, "Various comics have defined the equation in different ways, but a common interpretation seems to be that the equation is a mathematical proof of the futility of living." Armed with the Equation -- portions of which, in an odd bit of cryptic symbolism, are scattered throughout diverse individual minds -- one can "dominate the will of all sentient and sapient races." And because it eliminates free will in the target, the Anti-Life Equation also renders wanton violence permissible, since, according to some perverse moral calculus, beings without freedom can be freely abused. Thus the nefarious Glorious Godfrey (don't ask) dubs the ALE "the cosmic hunting license." Of course, you'd have to have a pretty strange configuration of qualms and non-qualms to think it was okay to eliminate freedom from the universe but not okay to kick a puppy, but why quibble ?

(As it turns out, the Equation has been used to prove empirically that, at least within the moral superstructure of the DC Universe, Benthamite utilitarianism and "libertarian paternalism" are both unambiguously wrong. It's never okay to override individual choice in the name of the greater good: when Darkseid's rebellious superhero son Orion "learned the Equation, and tried to use it to make people happy and good, ... [he] realised that the suppression of free will is always a bad thing." The end.)

Scrawl This All Over Me

sign saying 'Please do not touch. Touching can harm the art.'

It's Still a Little Early to Call This One

4 June 2007, BBC News:

...[T]op Iranian security official Ali Larijani described the [U.S.'s] planned deployment [of an anti-ballistic missile system in eastern Europe, purportedly aimed at "rogue states"] as the "joke of the year", adding that Iranian missiles were not capable of reaching Europe.

27 May 2007, The Financial Express (Bangladesh):

Awami League (AL) presidium member Suranjit Sengupta Saturday laughed off Bangladesh Nationalist Party (BNP) Chairperson Khaleda Zia's dismissal of dynasty in her party as the 'joke of the year', reports bdnews24.com.

The former prime minister Friday said she had joined politics on merit and ruled out a dynastic bulwark in her BNP.

I Don't Know. I Just Don't Know.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

No, My Lip Gloss Is Poppin'

  1. Today, under the influence of the incomparable ideelz, I came across Lil Mama's song "Lip Gloss" for the first time. I'm afraid I can't even pretend to think this is okay. Especially:

    Cherry, vanilla: flavors is a virtue
    They loving lip gloss universal'!

    No, no, no. It's not just brainless; it's sloppy and poorly delivered. I usually celebrate songs that cover territory outside the predictable, circumscribed realm of lovin' and bein' very sad or very happy, but you don't get credit for doing a song about lip gloss if all you can say about it is that some varieties of it are good. I was going to say that this song represents a weird return to the "Parents Just Don't Understand" paradigm -- rap is about fun/funny things we kids can all relate to, not shooting some people and selling drugs to some people (usually (?) different people) -- but at least "Parents Just Don't Understand" didn't restate the same thesis for like infinity minutes. WHO COULD WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD

  2. On the other hand, I have learned that "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield is neither a new nor a bad song. It is, in fact, both a couple of years old and good (? (I have a lot of questions lately)). I've probably caught bits of it before, but I was thunderstruck when I heard it yesterday at the local pizza shack -- so thunderstruck that I found myself scribbling down a snatch of the lyrics and a brief annotation in the top margin of a page of the New York Times Magazine containing the middle of an article about economic inequality.

    'feel the rain on yr skin / no one else can feel it for you'
    little girls singing along

    I was pretty irked by these tartlets at the time, but a quick download proved how wrong I was. It reads like a goddamn Cliffs Notes version of Unger:

    I am unwritten, can't read my mind; I'm undefined...

    I break tradition
    Sometimes my tries
    Are outside the lines
    We've been conditioned
    To not make mistakes
    But I can't live that way!...

    Release your inhibitions
    Feel the rain on your skin
    No one else can feel it for you
    Only you can let it in
    No one else, no one else
    Can speak the words on your lips
    Drench yourself in words unspoken [okay, this line is dodgy]
    Live your life with arms wide open
    Today is when your book begins

    Would it be TMI to say that I feel weirdly, genuinely inspired by these schmaltzy pop lyrics, no matter how obscenely Bedingfield oversells them with her I Can't Believe It's Not Butter voice and, god help us, some kind of choir at the end? Tough cookies: this is Keyhole's blog, li'l mama. Did you know that Bedingfield was in a family Christian rock group when she was a kid, and that it was called "the DNA Algorithm"?!

  3. Via Defamer, an only somewhat decontexualized quote from Michael Bay, giving the straight dope to the Republic of Korea:

    There definitely will be a massive alien robot war in the future.

    Unfortunately, I haven't found any commentary from the Democratic People's Republic up north, where one instead sees all the traditional, run-of-the-mill headlines: "Bush Team's Sophism Blasted" (they are very concerned with sophism), "Construction of Mushroom Production Centers Brisk under Way" ("The newly-built mushroom farm in Sinuiju City is equipped with all necessary facilities including ozonizer and autoclave"), and "S. Korean Military Warmongers Warned Not to Run Riot" (hey, military warmongers: you better not run riot!).

    The previous day's news was similarly ho-hum: in the article "Poem Recital on Pochonbo Battle Anniversary," the writers couldn't help but yawn their way through a typical work of North Korean piety:

    Recited then was the lyric "Lineage" to the effect that the revolutionary tradition established in the flames of the anti-Japanese revolutionary struggle is the historic root of the Korean revolution and it gives steadfast continuity to it. [Yadda yadda yadda.]

    A human-interest piece on the Pyongyang Circus was fun (did you know that the Pyongyang Circus "won a gold prize in the 9th International Modern Jugglery Festival held in Karlovy Vary of then Czechoslovakia in April 1972"? and that its "hundreds of fine acrobatics" include "animal, magic, synchronized and ice feats," including both "Aerial Iron Bar Flight" and "Flying Girls"?), but by the millionth time that the Korean Central News Agency insists of referring to its creative class as "artistes" instead of artists (e.g. "dignified People's Artistes, Merited Artistes, highest skill possessors and talented acrobats"), it stops being enjoyable. (j/k) But you have to appreciate the clarity and sentiment of this headline:

    KCNA Urges U.S. to Stop Acting Fool

    The article describes the U.S. as "a centre of plot-breeding, fraud and swindle" whose claims would normally be of no interest, were it not for the possibility that the allegations of "Lefkowitz [no first name given], special envoy of the U.S. State Department for human rights issue of north Korea" might be taken seriously; alas, "there is the need to let the world community know clearly about the U.S. sinister aim lurking behind the nonsensical malarkey let loose by this guy in view of its crafty and serious nature. ... [W]hat he uttered is no more than a foolish ploy to convince others that he is not useless. ... The U.S. is the country of beasts which regards man-hunting as pleasure."

  4. I recently read an old (1974) article from the Journal of Law and Economics by Ronald Coase: "The Lighthouse in Economics." It's apparently somewhat famous, but it's pretty goofy and trivial all the same: Coase debunks the lighthouse as an example of a public good, showing how, as a matter of historical fact, many of the lighthouses built in England were indeed the products of private enterprises operating under the aegis of the profit motive. Causing a sea change in the conceptualization of lighthouses by means of a carefully researched but fundamentally boring essay: I can't tell if it's during my more or my less ambitious moments that I dream of accomplishing something similar.

  5. O'Reilly Media, which publishes all the nerds' favorite computer books, has a beautiful mission statement of sorts:

    O'Reilly has been a chronicler and catalyst of leading-edge development, homing in on the technology trends that really matter and spurring their adoption by amplifying "faint signals" from the alpha geeks who are creating the future. An active participant in the technology community, the company has a long history of advocacy, meme-making, and evangelism.

    They'll probably also sponsor the first and only time traveler's convention.

  6. Via Language Log, it turns out that condescending multiculturalism may get accused terrorist Jose Padilla killed:

    Defense lawyers also repeatedly jousted with FBI translators over how they converted the intercepted calls into English, suggesting that they used the most sinister language possible. They also noticed that sometimes they translated the Arabic "Allah" as "God" in English and other times left it in the Arabic form.

    "You have to understand, it's my personal choice. I chose to use Allah. I think it's a beautiful word," said FBI linguist Joyce Kandalaft. "Allah does not have a negative connotation in this sense."

    I kanda laft when I first read that.

    But seriously, folks: how many times have we heard some grinning old coot ask a non-white somebody, often a child, what their name is -- and respond, upon receiving some crazy gallimaufry of foreign phonemes as an answer, "Why, that's a beautiful name!"? "Beautiful" here almost always means "vowel-containing." Why do people say this? It is worse (more annoying) than the worst (most annoying) racism. Didn't Edward Said die for these sins?

  7. While we're on the topic, I have a difficult time believing this, from Cory Doctorow:

    I once asked a Japanese friend to explain why so many people on the Tokyo subway wore surgical masks. Are they extreme germophobes? Conscientious folks getting over a cold? Oh, yes, he said, yes, of course, but that's only the rubric. The real reason to wear the mask is to spare others the discomfort of seeing your facial expression, to make your face into a disengaged, unreadable blank--to spare others the discomfort of firing up their mirror neurons in order to model your mood based on your outward expression. To make it possible to see without seeing.

    I'll leave the musings on prosopagnosia and Levinas (check out his little Western Philosophy wiki-trading card on the right: "Notable ideas: 'the Other', 'the Face'") to the experts. But I will note in passing that Doctorow should not have been allowed this riff:

    Ubiquitous and demanding, CCTVs don't have any visible owners. They ... occur. They exist in the passive voice, the "mistakes were made" voice: "The camera recorded you."

    Um. "The camera recorded you" is most definitely not in the passive voice. Also, the passive voice isn't a "voice" in the way he's implying; you can't "do" it during an open-mic comedy event. Well, maybe...

  8. Did you know that "the bear cub is born as a shapeless and eyeless lump of flesh, which the mother bear shapes into its proper form by licking it"? Well, according to various medieval bestiaries, it's true:

    bear licking formless cub

    For bonus points, consider the financial implications of the following: "Bears fight bulls by holding their horns and attacking their sensitive noses."

  9. There will be more.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Symbolism?

I just bled all over a pad of paper that I got from the Ritz-Carlton in New York.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Scraps from My Aging Firefox Tabs

  • Strategic essentialism, or how the Irish stopped being white:

    Ireland’s investment recruitment agency is now crowing about the virtues of “the Irish mind” in a series of print ads. The most popular ad, using a drawing of the Irish rock star Bono, declares: “The Irish. Creative. Imaginative. And flexible. Agile minds with a unique capacity to innovate, without being directed.”

  • A headline begging to be ripped from:

    Criminals in Baghdad are stealing corpses from the scenes of car bombings and murders in order to extract "ransoms" from grieving relatives.

    In a macabre off-shoot of the capital's kidnapping epidemic, the gangs pose as medics collecting bodies to be taken back to the city's overflowing morgues.

    Instead, though, they take the corpses to secret hiding places and then demand payments of up to £2,500 a time to release them to relatives for burial. Because Muslim custom dictates that a body must be buried as soon as possible after death, many families simply pay up, rather than involve the police.

  • LOL to David Remnick's year-old but highly readable profile of Bill Clinton:

    Nearly all Clinton’s younger aides refer to their boss as “the President,” but they also “do” him.

    Furthermore:

    He picked up the thread of his monologue, describing in fantastic detail why Ray Nagin edged Mitch Landrieu in the New Orleans mayoral race (“I understand it, because I know how black folks think”) ...

    “I don’t care how drunk he was sometimes,” he said. “Yeltsin really hated Communism.” ...

    In Durban, he’d picked up an eight-foot-tall wooden giraffe for Hillary (“She loves giraffes!”) ...

  • Steven Levitt of Freakonomics fame gets high on his own supply:

    One of us, for instance (the economist, who lives in Chicago), grew up comfortably in a Midwestern city and has fond memories of visiting his grandparents’ small farm. This author recently bought an indoor hydroponic plant grower.

  • Get it? Y'all bloggers slow, man!

    LOLpresident

  • I wasn't aware of this example of path dependency, via Kevin Drum: "Why is the Pentagon a pentagon? Short answer: it was originally intended to be built on a pentagonally shaped piece of land, so a pentagon was what fit. It got moved later, but the shape stayed."

  • Maybe a good attitude:

    I once had the opportunity to have coffee with Andros Epanimondas, who had been the assistant to one of my greatest heroes, Stanley Kubrick. Reminiscing, he mentioned that, over dinner, he once saw Kubrick hurriedly alternating bites of his main course and bites of a chocolate cake. He asked why. Kubrick, busy preparing for his greatest project to date, the unrealized Napolean, simply responded, "Andros, it's only food!"

  • Via the Economist's Free Exchange blog, I came across a lovely Deutsche Bank Research whitepaper entitled "The Happy Variety of Capitalism: Characterised by an Array of Commonalities" (PDF). The first page tells us that

    The happy variety of capitalism is one of the four varieties identified by a systematic analysis of 22 rich countries.

    • The happy variety of capitalism...
    • The less happy variety of capitalism...
    • The unhappy variety of capitalism...
    • The Far Eastern variety...

    For serious.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Alternate Universe of My Dreams

At Berkeley this past December [1999], Unger bumped into David Bonior -- the influential Democratic representative from Michigan -- in the hallway of his hotel. Earlier in the day, Unger had delivered a fiery speech denouncing progressives for lacking the courage to experiment with bold new ideas. Now, however, he struck a more conciliatory tone. Handing two copies of each of his most recent books to the congressman, he told Bonior he hoped he would enjoy reading them.

"And could you," he added, "pass along these extra copies to Mr. Gore for me?"

—Eyal Press, "The Passion of Roberto Unger," Lingua Franca 9.3 (March 1999).

Make Either Fearsome or Lovable Your Implements of War

From a somewhat old Washington Post article about combat robots and the men who love them:

Every time [the robot] found a mine, blew it up and lost a limb, it picked itself up and readjusted ... Finally it was down to one leg. Still, it pulled itself forward. [Mark] Tilden [the robot's designer, a physicist at Los Alamos] was ecstatic. The machine was working splendidly.

The human in command of the exercise, however -- an Army colonel -- blew a fuse.

The colonel ordered the test stopped.

Why? asked Tilden. What's wrong?

The colonel just could not stand the pathos of watching the burned, scarred and crippled machine drag itself forward on its last leg.

This test, he charged, was inhumane. ...

It's common for a soldier to cut out a magazine picture of a woman, tape it to the antenna and name the bot something like "Cheryl," says Paul Varian, a former Army chief warrant officer who has served three tours in Iraq with the Robotic Systems Joint Project Office. ...

"I've been a proponent for a long time of painting a mouth and eyes on the Global Hawk," the Learjet-size surveillance bot, says retired Col. Tom Ehrhard ... "Humans are social animals. Make that other thing part of your family, your social structure. Try to animate and make either fearsome or lovable your implements of war."

Information Battlespace II: Executive Ability and the Management of Barbarism

From a Believer article by the incomparable Paul Collins:

Perhaps emboldened by their success [creating fake Harry Potter sequels]...Chinese publishers have gone on to promote entirely fictitious Western authors. One best-selling classic of business advice, Paul Thomas’s Executive Ability, is a five-volume work in Chinese by a Duke University business professor who does not, in fact, exist. Yet a very real Chinese business scholar, Yu Shiwei, has also found himself confronted with books he never wrote. Los Angeles Times reporter Don Lee noted in 2005 that after a lecture in Shanghai, Shiwei was accosted by an eager autograph seeker bearing ten copies of “his” book Ying Zai Zhi Xing (“Execution Wins”). Shiwei, not wanting to disappoint his fan, graciously signed them without a word.

The L.A. Times article that Collins draws on (reprinted in a Hong Kong paper) offers deeper insight:

Although bogus books are not confined to business topics, they are particularly prevalent in that field, largely because most management volumes are translated and are in high demand. ... "There are [bogus] recommendations from Bill Gates, The New York Times or even Einstein, which is really ridiculous,'' said Jiang Ruxiang, general manager of Beijing Zion Consulting ...

"The most harmful influence of these books is that a large number of China's best entrepreneurs are learning wrong and misleading management principles,'' he said. ...

"We lack the experience to distinguish these new fake books,'' said China Chang An Publishing House vice president Chen Xiaojun.

"[Executive Ability is] a nice book,'' said Wang [Zhe], who finished Volume 2 of the series in two weeks. He was hard-pressed to explain details of the 256-page book but said the overall point was that successful managers pay attention to details.

A strange phenomenon, no? How could so many people in an economy so successful be so gullible? Quite suspicious, especially when you recall the following tips from everyone's favorite jihadi guidebook, The Management of Savagery: The Most Critical Stage through Which the Umma Will Pass (PDF, 2004):

We must make use of books on the subject of administration, especially the management studies and theories which have been recently published, since they are consonant with the nature of modern societies. There is more than one site on the internet in which one can obtain management books [including] ... the site Mufakkirat al-Islam (The Notebook of Islam) ... Moreover, it is possible to obtain more management books and resources from other sites on the Internet or from libraries and publishing houses, keeping in mind that we must undertake practical application when study of them is complete so that we may see the administrative styles (positively) influence the work [i.e. jihad].

In short, the Chinese government is secretly collaborating with U.S. covert operations to undermine Islamic terrorists by giving them an inaccurate understanding of modern management techniques. Why else do you think 9/11 hasn't been repeated? Let's just pray that they never master GTD.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

A Somewhat Stale Remaindered Reference

Dr. Laura's son is apparently both a soldier and a pervert -- and not the friendly kind either. His "MySpace page, publicly available until [last] Friday when it disappeared from the Internet, included cartoon depictions of rape, murder, torture and child molestation; photographs of soldiers with guns in their mouths...and a blog entry headlined by a series of obscenities and racial epithets." I'm sure he's a repulsive little chickadee, but what really struck me about the linked article (from the Salt Lake Tribune) was this astonishing bit:

Army spokesman Robert Tallman ... said "it may be possible that our enemies are actually behind this.

"Our enemies are adaptive, technologically sophisticated, and truly understand the importance of the information battlespace," Tallman continued. "Sadly, they will use that space to promulgate and disseminate untrue propaganda."

I checked (i.e. googled): "Army spokesman Robert Tallman" is not just a figment of the Salt Lake Tribune's imagination. So a no-foolin' public representative of the U.S. Army honestly hinted that the likes of Al-Qaeda would spend their time mocking up fake MySpace pages for the purpose of discrediting the relatives of minor American media personalities. Just so we're clear on that.

Incidentally, "the information battlespace" appears to be something of a term of art in military circles. For instance, a company called Zel Tech has a DARPA contract to create an "IPIB [Intelligence Preparation of the Information Battlespace] process," which seems to consist of a checklist, a database, possibly some flowcharts, and a set of metaphors ("This project addresses ... whether it is feasible to identify cyberspace analogs for kinetic concepts such as terrain, weather, and adversary doctrine"). It's jarring to see how abstract and downright philosophical some of this wartalk gets. A 2006 article in the Air & Space Power Journal ("the professional journal of the United States Air Force"), subtitled "Affecting the Strategic Battlespace with Effects-Based Public Affairs," promises to consider "the application of nonkinetic effects or means to the information battlespace" but pauses first for some ontological clarification: "In order to understand why [Air Force Public Affairs] must operationalize and become effects driven, one needs to understand the nature of effects." This leads almost directly (seriously!!) to a discussion of blogs.

Remember when Russia (maybe) inflicted cyber-warfare on Estonia? "'If you are implying [the attacks] came from Russia or the Russian government, it's a serious allegation that has to be substantiated. Cyber-space is everywhere,' Russia's ambassador in Brussels, Vladimir Chizhov, said in reply to a question from the Guardian."

Everywhere.

Monday, May 28, 2007

A Weird Claim about Schumpeter

Made by Robert Solow, no less:

The man was all problems, and one very important idea.

(It's the last sentence of "Heavy Thinker" (review of Thomas K. McCraw, Prophet of Innovation: Joseph Schumpeter and Creative Destruction), The New Republic 21 May 2007. I do these citations purely for my own future benefit, by the way. I know no one cares.)

Sunday, May 27, 2007

A Possibly Old-Hat Second Life Anecdote

This is where Lazarus Divine comes into the picture. A few months ago, Divine began buying up small slivers of land near other Second Life residents and erecting on them giant, garish billboards emblazoned with the text: "SUPPORT OUR TROOPS. End the Illegal War in Iraq. Restore US Credibility. IMPEACH BUSH." The towering blue signs ruined the views of nearby residents and consequently threatened the value of their property. ... A few residents vented their frustrations by erecting "Impeach Lazarus Divine" billboards. Others joined forces and sent Divine endless instant messages complaining about his actions, but to no avail.

Apparently it was kinda politics, kinda extortion. Also, a : O quote from the "Declaration of the Rights of Avatars" that would probably take months to "unpack":

The principle of all sovereignty in a virtual space resides in the inalterable fact that somewhere there resides an individual who controls the hardware on which the virtual space is running, and the software with which it is created, and the database which makes up its existence.

Obvious point: is this actually the same weird metaphysical basis on which our regular constitutional rights rest -- that, allegedly, but probably/certainly incorrectly, there's some magical "individual" inside the hardware of our bodies and the software of our culture and the database of our, um, databases (memories?)? Freedom blogs.

Both quotes come from Steven (Berlin?) Johnson, "Brave New World: Online Fantasy Worlds Put Our Democratic Ideals to the Test," Discover 2 April 2006.

The Extent of My Ambitions

...little more than a confection of heightened rhetoric and archive pleasures.

—Paul Myerscough, "The Flow" (review of Adam Curtis, The Trap), London Review of Books 5 April 2007.

Amusing Easter Egg

[Creating sound from a spectrogram] allows electronic music artists to "hide" images in their music. Examples include:

  • Aphex Twin hid an image of himself in a spectrogram (using MetaSynth). The image can be found on Track 2 of the Windowlicker EP as a nine-second sweeping section right at the end. (It is recognizable in an MP3, but the compression changes the spectrogram and it is not as clear as from the CD.) Aphex Twin also hid the image of a spiral shape in his first track from the "Windowlicker" EP.

Etc. Nine Inch Nails also uses this technique to give out clues to its alernate reality game (?!). See WP for more.

If I were BLDGBLOG I'd go off on a whole riff about this. Alas.

Go Blog It

Similarly, Bell and Gemmell would like software that organized the contents of the archive into movies—something, at least, to compress and shape it, to summarize its parts. “Auto-storytelling,” Gemmell calls it. “My dream is I go on vacation and take my pictures and come home and tell the computer, ‘Go blog it,’ so that my mother can see it. I don’t have to do anything; the story is there in the pattern of the images.”

—Alec Wilkinson, "Remember This?" The New Yorker 28 May 2007.

Friday, May 25, 2007

On Second Thought

Who am I kidding? I give up. I do love the arbitrary juxtaposition of unrelated but independently kinda funny things:

Zeppelin v Pterodactyls

(Starbucks supports Al-Qaeda.)

(Via Ellis.)

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Vague Yet Bafflingly Precise Consumption Preferences

  1. At Tealuxe, a loud man stepped up to the register. Refusing to submit to the quiescent conformism of "working through the system," he spent not the barest instant looking at the lengthy menu, with its rigid notions of "respectable" beverage selection; no, this fellow would forge his own instrument of oral irrigation, answering solely to what he wanted, not to what Tealuxe wanted him to want. "You have anything hot, with a kind of raspberry flavor, kind of tart? Like a hot bubble tea?" "All of our bubble teas are cold." "Well, can't you just put the bubbles in?" "...I guess. We just don't have any specific recipes for that. I--" "So can I get a hot bubble tea, berry flavor, kind of tart, maybe a little bitter?" Undaunted, this guy. The spirit of 1773 lives on.
  2. At the Morse Music & Media Library, two young men prowled the DVD collection. Said one to the other: "I want something intense: violence, death, destruction..." "Violence and death?" "Yeah, but witty violence and death. Maybe something Italian?"

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Preserved for Posterity

The copy from the front of the Killa Season DVD:

This is Harlem.

This is Flea's world.

At the end of the day, business is business, money is money.

And from the back:

This Harlem inspired story details Flea's rising empire to take over the streets and an unstoppable drive to hustle all the money in various places around the world. Flea was a basketball player, happy with his subtle hustle, until a Dominican connect introduced him to a new way to spread the work and make all the "cake." Revenge will take place when honor is at stake. No one wants to see you on top.

Cameron Giles, you saw him in Paid In Full, makes his directorial debut with this powerful and detailed story of growing up in Harlem and learning to be #1.

With powerful performances by Cam'ron (Paid In Full), Juelz Santana, and Hell Rell, the film also features cameos by Funk Master Flex and Michael Williams from HBO's The Wire.

A few points:

  • "an unstoppable drive to hustle all the money in various places around the world"

    • "The need of a constantly expanding market for its products chases the bourgeoisie over the whole surface of the globe. It must nestle everywhere, settle everywhere, establish [Dominican] connexions everywhere" (Marx and Engels, Communist Manifesto)
    • "Yo, I could promise this / You dealing with a communist" (Cam'ron, "Leave You Alone," Killa Season)
  • "happy with his subtle hustle"
  • the quotation marks around "cake"
  • "Revenge will take place"
  • the repetition, in the space of a couple of sentences, of the Paid in Full citation
  • the use of "detailed" as a laudatory term

Sincerely,
The Hood Internet

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Marx on Wikipedia

Bourgeois revolutions, like those of the eighteenth century, storm more swiftly from success to success; their dramatic effects outdo each other; men and things seem set in sparkling brilliants; ecstasy is the everyday spirit: but they are short lived; soon they have attained their zenith, and a long depression lays hold of society before it learns soberly to assimilate the results of its storm and stress period. Proletarian revolutions, on the other hand, like those of the nineteenth century, criticise themselves constantly, interrupt themselves continually in their own course, come back to the apparently accomplished in order to begin it afresh, deride with unmerciful thoroughness the inadequacies, weaknesses and paltriness of their first attempts...

—"The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte" in The Marx-Engels Reader, 2nd ed., ed. Robert C. Tucker (New York: W.W. Norton & Co., 1978), 597.

"The Eighteenth Brumaire" drops jaws.

Economic Progress Party?

I wouldn't call Will Wilkinson, a political-philosophy wonk (or something like that) at the Cato Institute, one of my intellectual heroes --- his well-justified appreciation for the achievements of "liberal capitalism" is too often marred, I think, by an unjustified identification of the priniciples underlying such a "regime" with the particular institutional forms it has taken in the U.S. --- but he's often an insightful critic (see my post directly below!!); the good thing about all these libertarian bloggers is their outsider status and their disdain for much of mainstream political discourse. I was particularly shaken by a tasty morsel that Wilkinson just threw up on his site, one of those "obvious in retrospect yet totally surprising when laid down in words" storms-and-stresses that I love to run across in my textual wanderings:

[re: the Rawlsian conception of distributive justice and its primary domain of application, the "basic structure" of society] This is, of course, massively confused. The deep objection to this way of thinking is that different basic structures don’t so much determine how stuff is distributed, but determine whether or not there is stuff at all, and how much. ... Because wealth is created and not just moved around, and more wealth is created under certain institutional schemes than others, the question isn’t so much one of distribution as production or creation. The question of whether people live under institutions in which they can realize their capacities and reliably acquire the necessary means to successfully enact their life-plans is mainly a question of what might be called productive justice.

I'm reminded of nothing so much as Marx, in "Critique of the Gotha Program," mercilessly assailing the naive idea of "a fair distribution of the proceeds of labour" as the vision for communist society: before you can get around to handing out checks, he says, you have to deduct from the total social product "cover for replacement of the means of production used up" (including, I assume, depreciation); an "additional portion" set aside "for expansion of production" (note: production is to expand, not stay constant); "reserve for insurance funds to provide against accidents, dislocations caused by natural calamities, etc." (Black Swans!); the costs of administration; the costs of public goods like education and healthcare; and the costs of upkeep for members of society who can't do productive labor. "These deductions ... are an economic necessity and their magnitude is to be determined according to available means and forces, and partly by computation of probabilities, but they are in no way calculable by equity." Marx sees such limits as things to be eventually overcome in later stages of communism, but you can't get there without paying attention to the contemporary "means and forces." Production, production, production.

I think we can detach Wilkinson's notion of the priority of productive over distributive "justice" (btw probably not the best term to use here) from his icky belief that all we need to do to fix up the world is to "install liberal capitalism" (wuzzat, exactly?) in every country, as if the Founders aced it for all time in 1787 and now we need only set their elegant clockpunk contraption in motion to ring in the end of history.

Inspiration one: America Beyond Capitalism by Gar Alperovitz. Breaking up wealth > redistributing income. Cooperatives, worker-owned firms, innovative collaborations between government and business. (I may riff more on this book later (preview: it's good/great but it pushes the "consumerism is bad! let's live simple and stop buying pretty things!" button (it's made of postconsumer recycled drywall and it's lacquered with organic pesticides) way too hard for my taste/comfort level/conception of political usefulness).)

Inspiration two: holycrapshit CHINA TO BUY A STAKE IN BLACKSTONE, a huge private-equity firm that is apparently doing an IPO pretty soon. Really, let that news sink in for a bit: nominally communist (and maybe, despite what the haters say, becoming more communist all the time) China is plowing billions of dollars into an American company that does nothing but take over and reignite other companies; T-bills aren't floating the bureaucrats' boats anymore. A bigger effort, "the State Foreign Exchange Investment Company," is apparently on the horizon; the Times opines that if the co. ends up looking anything like Singapore's state-run development operation, it "would effectively create the world’s largest hedge fund." !

The boys at Long or Short Capital (the blog that pays dividends) and the boys they link to harp on the possible dangers and shortcomings of the deal, for both sides --- China might kinda collapse any day now, given the brittleness of its program to inflict a hardened centralized will upon the whole of an increasingly restless (probably) civil society, and Blackstone could explode too (Black Swan Black Swan Black Swan), leaving China, which is committed to holding onto its shares and to not buying into competing firms for the medium-term future, in the super-shitty lurch --- but goddammit I was excited when I heard this gospel. Remember how China and McKinsey are also building a crazy utopian environmentalist city of the future? These people ain't thinking small, ladies and gentlemen; it must be improbably exhilirating, days like these, to be a Beijing functionary.

When will America wake up? The alarm's going off --- it's a clock radio, and NPR is playing Pharrell's remix of the Internationale --- but we keep hitting snooze.

Genius/Critic

I'm sure everyone's sick of my Unger obsession by now, but: I was stunned, in the course of rereading his neat little piece "A Program for Late Twentieth-Century Psychiatry," to find him pretty much following the Currier House party line in the formulation of a key concept:

To gain freedom of insight and action in a more remote context, often at the price of ineptitude in an immediate one, is a definition of genius.

Emphasis mine. To gain expertise in the immediate context at the price of vision for the future would be the corresponding definition of "critic." Of all the nonsense bandied about in "my" intellectual circle, the genius/critic quasi-distinction stands as one of the most promising and fruitful bits, I (perhaps surprisingly) think. "Factoid," on the other hand, remains controversial.

In café-culture news, the last few times I've gone to the local Starbucks, I've heard men with indeterminate European accents arguing heatedly — to the point of raising their voices, even — about particle physics. Simon's, Peet's: get your cake up. Your concentration of hand-waving humanists isn't going to cut it anymore.

Friday, May 18, 2007

I Can't Say That I Didn't Feel a Bit of a Sting Reading This

By the summer of 1929 the market not only dominated the news. It also dominated the culture. The recherché minority which at other times had acknowledged its interest in Saint Thomas Aquinas, Proust, psychoanalysis and psychosomatic medicine then spoke of United Corporation, United Founders and Steel. Only the most aggressive of the eccentrics maintained their detachment from the market and their interest in autosuggestion or communism.

—John Kenneth Galbraith, The Great Crash: 1929, 2nd ed. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1961), 79.

But surely we can have all of this at once, can't we — more markets, more Proust, more communism? Otherwise, what's the point?

Crises Happen When I'm Not Paying Attention

xxAlekseyxx: i have some weird thing on my tongue.
xxAlekseyxx is away at 1:51:35 PM.

To be continued.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Oh, Religion

For example, when Terry Eagleton, a British critic who has been a professor of English at Oxford, lambasted Dawkins’s “The God Delusion” in the London Review of Books, he wrote that “card-carrying rationalists” like Dawkins “invariably come up with vulgar caricatures of religious faith that would make a first-year theology student wince.” That is unfair, because millions of the faithful around the world believe things that would make a first-year theology student wince. A large survey in 2001 found that more than half of American Catholics, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Methodists, and Presbyterians believed that Jesus sinned—thus rejecting a central dogma of their own churches.

…Critics of the Bible should find consolation in the fact that many people do not have a clue what is in it. Surveys by the Barna Research Group, a Christian organization, have found that most Christians don’t know who preached the Sermon on the Mount.

—Anthony Gottlieb, "Atheists with Attitude," The New Yorker 21 May 2007.

Monday, May 14, 2007

I'm a Hypocrite

Despite everything, I have to say that I think this image, posted recently on BoingBoing, is pretty funny.

zombie last supper

At least there are no robots, pirates, or Vikings. Yet.

I Thought This Day Would Never Come

From an email I just received:

Subject: can i interview you about blogs?

Sure, but you might want to get a sandwich and something to drink. This may take a while.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

I Feel There Is Still Potential in the "Funny Animal" Genre, Though

There has been a fair amount of talk of "café culture" in my world line lately, due to the influence of certain elements. Mostly "café culture" seems to mean breaking minor laws while sitting in front of Au Bon Pain. Today I was doing the latter half when a strange conjuncture occurred:

  1. I started eating a "caprese" sandwich, the most shamefully class-inscribed of all widely available sandwiches (mozzarella, tomato, pesto, baguette).
  2. A truck drove past, its trailer emblazoned with the word "BOURGEOIS."
  3. A loud-mouthed would-be troubadour said, by way of introduction, "This is a song about my identity."

The troubadour troubled me, which raises etymological questions I don't dare to confront. I encountered him at a different location earlier on, engaging in a weirdly violent performance/terrorism: as people walked by, he sang about them. "You, with that pastry / Is it tasty?" It was something of an "act" and a "joke," but you could tell how uncomfortable people were with the (unacknowledged) shattering of their anonymity. A few steps away, a hired hand dispensed free samples of Eclipse gum, but people weren't taking them because they thought there was a catch, such as homelessness. The troubadour greased the wheels with his dulcet tones: "Hey, why don't you take that gum? / It's actually free!"

Obviously there are lots of things here about space, "the city," quack quack. I kind of liked the guy. But by the time he wound up in front of Au Bon Pain, his gimmick had become weirdly toothless and dispiriting. He sang that Barbie girl song in a funny voice. Also songs by Britney Spears. The small crowd was eating it up, so he transitioned to original works. The song about his identity was actually a riff on being — get this — Jewish, but taking Jesus as a role model. Main joke: the idea of Jesus eating gefilte fish (Jesus was Jewish!). Next song (people are digging this): something about Massachusetts politicians drinking a lot, doing drugs, and "lov[ing] coitus." Main joke: name of Massachusetts politician + lifestyle infraction. Final song, loudly demanded (and therefore apparently previously heard) by a homeless man: begins with the phrase "Starbucks supports Al Qaeda." Main joke: Starbucks supports Al Qaeda.

Now look — and here is where I guess I cross the line separating Gawker-style "here's a thing" from other-blogs–style "here's a thing" — this is just terrible. Everyone was laughing and laughing, thrilled at how controversial this guy was being, at how un-Peoria they were for accepting his jester-like truth-to-power shenanigans in the heart of the town square. But what was his point, exactly? Jesus was a Jew: incredible how this still retains force as a "startling" "revelation." Politicans as "immoral" in boring way: a staple of conservative thought. Are we to be titillated by this? Starbucks + Al Qaeda: a little funny, I'll admit. But how characteristic of the whole currently dominant mode of production of culturally knowing pseudo-humor! Just juxtapose some things that are floating around in the culture. Jesus robots! Robot Jesus zombie terrorist monkeys! I don't even want to go on; it's too sad, and I'm wasting perfectly marketable YouTube screenplay ideas. In the comic store I patronize — the shelves of which are strewn with the works of Robert Kirkman, an avatar of this style of "creativity" who's starting up a wolf-man book to complement, among other things, his (hilariously irreverent!!) Battle Pope book — a white board behind the register lists the week's new releases. A few times in the recent past, books entitled Zombie and Zombies came out during the same week, and I think that a third book, Zombies vs. Robots, also came out one of those weeks. The mischievous store clerks added fictitious entries for Zombies vs. Robots vs. Monkeys and Zombies vs. Robots vs. Monkeys vs. Pirates underneath, but it took me at least a few cycles to figure out what was real and what wasn't.

Surely this isn't all the future has to offer, right?

Blog 1: a comics review: "First, I think we can all agree that 'Zombies vs. Robots' is the best title of anything in the history of the world.…One might wonder how anyone can get a good story out of this concept. After all, what possible threat can zombies pose to robots? And at first, the answer would seem to be, 'Not much.'" (But there's a twist.)

Blog 2: http://robotzombiejesus.blogspot.com/.

Where Can I Get Funding for This?

When I got on the elevator in my building a few minutes ago, I noticed an empty beer bottle on the floor. I thought up an art project, based loosely on something I accidentally did once: upon leaving the elevator, I would position the beer bottle in such a way that it would straddle the threshold, breaking the photoelectric whatever-whatever and preventing the door from closing. It would probably take hours for the problem to be fixed. By then I would be long gone.

The title of this project would be Fuck Everyone.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Ziggy Stardust, CFA

With modern technology available to everyone, we should all be David Bowies in our ability to hedge our risks.

—Robert Shiller, The New Financial Order: Risk in the 21st Century (Princeton: Princeton University Press), 145.

Could Have Been a Thing

Failed initial experiments may have prejudiced movie-going audiences against movies with subtitles. The silent movie The Chamber Mystery, made in 1920 by Abraham S. Schomer, used words superimposed on the picture. They were placed in comic-strip style balloons coming from the mouths of actors, not along the bottom of the screen. The movie was not a success, and the text in balloons was apparently not used again.

—Robert Shiller, The New Financial Order: Risk in the 21st Century (Princeton: Princeton University Press), 103.

Friday, May 04, 2007

And That's Why I Can't Stand Certain Kinds of Academic Discourse

The vulgar and the hypersubtle possibilities exist in the interpretation of any great social thinker. Typically, the defenders of each theorist adopt the hypersubtle account of their master and the vulgar account of his rivals.

—Roberto Mangabeira Unger, Social Theory lectures (1976), "Classical Social Theory I," 128.

A bit obvi when stated in such an upfront fashion, but can anyone deny this?

In a similar vein:

Everyone believes that their favorite philosophers are misunderstood. The problem will be especially acute insofar as one's favorite philosopher is oneself, but most of us extend the claim beyond this special case.

—Peter Godfrey-Smith, "Dewey on Naturalis, Realism and Science," Philosophy of Science 69 (2002), S1.