And Irreplaceable Items

In the course of sweeping away some domestic detritus, I happened to look over the alleged "Liability Exclusions" claimed by US Airways in that pamphlet-y thing that they use as an envelope for the boarding pass. That they deny all responsibility for passengers' valuables is, of course, to be expected — but what purpose is served by enumerating (non-exhaustively, they are at pains to point out) all the different things you might break or ruin 20,000 feet up?

US Airways assumes no liability for valuable or commercial items, including but not limited to: currency, negotiable papers/securities/documents, spirits, books/manuscripts/publications, optics [?], keys, blueprints, sound reproduction equipment and related items, jewelry, silverware, precious metals, natural fur products, antiques/heirlooms/collectibles, precious metals/stones [um…twice?], photographic/cinematographic audio/video equipment and related items, computer hardware/software and related items, electronic components/equipment and related items, artistic items, lifesaving medication, business samples/equipment/documents [business…samples?] and irreplaceable items.

But what about turtles?

I also read the following items as commands or pieces of advice, which turns out not to be correct:

• Have a condition, which is not apparent, that would prevent you from performing the duties listed;…
• Do not wish to perform the exit seat duties in the event of an emergency;
• Do not speak, read, or understand English.

Done and done. I wish they would be nicer to me, though:

• You lack sufficient mobility, strength, or dexterity in both arms and hands, and both legs;…
• You lack the ability to read and understand printed or graphic instructions in English [to be fair, is there such a thing as a "graphic instruction in English"?];…
• You lack the ability to impart information orally to other passengers in English;
• You have a condition…

Gasp! But, but…I thought it wasn't apparent!

I'll never fly again.